A Glimpse

I've been married for close to 7 years now. I love my wife and absolutely love my kids but I'm slowly turning to feel like I am drifting away from their lives.  I wouldn't say I'm happy nor unhappy. Actually, I'm close to not feeling anything and it's somewhat scary. 

I've been mostly away from my wife and children for most of the past 6 years because of the necessity to work outside my country. This is one of the cons of living in a third world country, the salary for young professionals like me will never be enough to make the life of my family comfortable. So, I have to make the ultimate sacrifice of leaving my family back in my country and not see my children grow up  to work in a foreign land. I know I MAY regret this "sacrifice “in the future.

The past 6 years has been mostly a love-hate hate relationship with my wife. Long distance relationship is difficult especially when your partner never put any trust on you. I acknowledge that I may have broken her trust in the past and I know that it is difficult to gain her trust again but I am already tired of being constantly accused of things I didn't do. Does she know that having an affair with other women would be more of a burden than happiness? I haven't done anything yet but I am already being constantly treated guilty, so why the hell would I put myself in such trouble?? Most of the time I feel like it's better to have an affair so I would have a reason to be treated this way. BUT, that is not the real problem. Although I may have said that I'm growing tired of the accusations, I’m already starting to feel numb about it.